Authors Note: This was my own rendition on the first reading of Aladdin and the Magic Lamp.
Although Al was a great High School player, he started to not perform well at the collegiate level. He started dropping passes, he couldn't keep up with his routes, and worst of all there were two other wide receivers who were outperforming him. He started to get frustrated and that frustration just further debilitated his talent.
He was at the point of giving up one day after a bad practice when a man approached him. This man claimed that he was an assistant equipment manager for OU and he had been watching Al Practice. He said "Al I know of a special protein powder that OU is developing through their research department, apparently its the closest thing to legal steroids ever." This man said that to gain access to this supplement Al would have to use the finger scanner to get into the room they are kept in the stadium.
Al was so frustrated with his performance at this point that his judgment was clouded, he was desperate enough to try anything. He followed the equipment manager into the equipment room. He did notice something peculiar when the equipment manager pulled out his keys he didn't know which one unlocked the door. He fumbled with them for what seemed like a few moments too long, almost as if the keys weren't his. Once he got in the room they walked past all of the regular equipment and towards the back door. Al placed his thumb on the scanner and opened the now unlocked door. Expecting the equipment manager to follow him into the room he started walking and he noticed the equipment manager wasnt following him any longer. He looked back and he was standing at the door watching, he said "I am a new employee and they have cameras installed in there, they might not recognize me and I don't want to cause an issue." This was getting more fishy by the moment and Al was starting to believe that this protein powder didn't exist. This all came to fruition when the supposed equipment manager saw Billy Vessels Heisman Trophy statue in the back corner of the room. He said "Actually my supervisor told me to move that trophy to a safer location so if youll hand that to me I can put it in a safer location."
At that moment Al knew that this was a fishy situation and he wanted to leave immediately. The equipment manager picked up on this and before Al could speak the man panicked and slammed the door shut, locking Al inside.
Al kept beating himself up, he should've known that he was a fraud and he should have just practiced being better the right way. He looked towards the statue of Billy Vessels and went to grab it, he thought it might bring him comfort. When he grabbed it the spirit of Billy Vessels appeared.
He said, I've been listening to you talk to yourself and I can tell that you are passionate about OU football along with doing the right thing. I want to give you these gloves to help you further your football career, these gloves will allow you to catch every pass that touches your hands.
Al thought about this offer but he told Mr. Vessels "I don't want to cheat or use anything to help me, I just want to develop my talent on my own, thanks but no thanks." Billy understood, and looked proud in a way, he motioned his arm and opened the locked door.
Hello there, Ryan, great story! I was really interested in the way that you adapted the story of Aladdin obtaining the magic lamp not only into a modern time frame, but into the ultra-specific niche of a particular football team, at a particular university. That much specificity in setting can complicate the translation of a story from one time/place to another, so great job creating a scenario in which you were able to do it! Do you have a personal connection to the OU football team (besides being a student at OU, I mean - as in, are you a player, or do you have friends/family on the team? Or maybe do you work alongside the team in some way?) that inspired you to write this piece? One thing you might consider if you want to revise this piece would be editing the section where he picks up the trophy a little bit - it seems like there could be a more compelling reason for him to pick up the trophy than because he feels like it might comfort him. Maybe he feels a strange draw to it, like he's compelled to touch it because of the spirit in it? Or perhaps he sees it and, given that he hasn't been performing well in football, wants to touch it because he's worried it's the only chance he'll get to touch an OU football trophy? Either way, good job!
ReplyDeleteHey there! First of all, Aladdin is one of my favorite stories of all time! I think it's super entertaining and I love how many options there are to make it fit the modern times! I think that your use of the football team analogy was very creative, and I never would have considered it! It's honestly a very relevant situation to today's sports climate, where cheating is not rare. I think the fact that billy vessels was the "Genie" was hilarious, and honestly I could totally see that being the case. I wonder why you made the thumbprint part of the story so crucial? I haven't read the original Aladdin so I wouldn't know, but I didn't remember anything like that happening. However, I think it added a really good dynamic to the story. I do think that the story ended pretty abruptly, and maybe if you elaborated on the ending it could have added a little extra. I loved the story overall though, and can't wait to keep reading!
ReplyDeleteHi Ryan!
ReplyDeleteI think incorporating football into this story was a really great idea. I liked the Billy Vessels spirit was a great touch. I was confused about the role of the finger scanner in the story and how Al was able to get into the equipment room. Why did Al's finger register on the scanner? I read the story of Aladdin as well but I think it might be a good idea to include more details in your author's note and explain how your story is compares and contrasts to the original for people who are unfamiliar with the story. I also think it would be a good idea to proofread your story one more time. I noticed a couple of places where it seems like you left out a word or two in a few sentences and capitalized some words that don't need to be capitalized. Overall, this is a great idea for a story and I enjoyed reading it.
Hey Ryan! I really enjoyed how you twisted the classic story of Aladdin to fit the realm of OU football, which I think a lot of people are passionate about. The start of the story reminded me of a typical sports movie: a star player struggling to find his own and willing to do whatever it takes to fix it. As simple as it is, I also think the idea of the player not feeling like he's good enough is something a lot of college students can relate to. What was your reasoning behind waiting until the very end to introduce the spirit of Billy Vessels? I personally would have loved to see that character earlier in the story. Overall, I liked your story a lot, but I would also consider giving more insight to the reader through your author's note so that we can better understand some of the ways that you altered the original story.
ReplyDeleteHi Ryan! What a great and fun story. I like how you were able to take such a classic tale and apply it to life on our very own campus. It helped me to connect with your story. I enjoy the humor that is present in your writing. I think your adaptation is great because it takes such an old story and applies it to something so modern and specific. Did you consider what Al might have done if he was more selfish? I know that you're just adapting Alladin, but what are somethings you think Al might have wished for if he was not so pure. One suggestion I have is that you could go into Al's backstory more. I think if you really got into it and explained his motivations for playing football and why football means so much to him I think your narrative would be even more powerful. You could show just how desperate he is to be better.
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